If you find yourself in a painful relationship with a guy, I’m going to be sharing with you five clear signs that you’re in a codependent relationship. I’ve seen the pain of so many women who are in relationships that are addictive and codependent in nature. Inside of the situation, these women cannot understand that they are part of this codependent relationship that is unhealthy and should either change form or completely dissolve if they are to find true happiness and love.
The first sign that you’re in a codependent relationship
When you can’t enjoy life unless you’re close to your partner, if you feel anxious, worried, sad, or even depressed when your partner is not close by, that is that’s a sign that you’re living life through your partner. Instead, you need to be doing the things you need to do in your own life to own it, to bring it to be a source of light so that you can add to the greatness of your partner versus taking away from his life. There’s a difference between your partner going on a trip for three weeks and you feel that you will miss him versus your partner being out of your house for a couple of hours and you start feeling like you can’t function properly. Or he is gone for one day and you’re not yourself, you can’t enjoy being with your friends you can’t enjoy being apart because you’re not with your man.
The second sign
You have trouble setting boundaries with your partner. You can’t say no. You can’t stand up for yourself. You can’t express a strong dislike for something that is a clear violation of your being, your rules, your boundaries. This is out of fear again of being left alone or being abandoned or this guy retaliating in some way because you actually stood up to him. there’s a thing that happens in any relationship, which is a compromise. If you want a relationship to succeed you will have to compromise but there’s a difference in compromising on things that are just of the flexibility kind, meaning you can get more uncomfortable within your own one set of values, and things that break you away from your values, that break you away from your sense of respect. When you’re constantly violating your own rules and values, for the sake of keeping that guy in your life because if he were to go away your life will crumble, that’s a clear sign that you’re in a codependent relationship. You feel a sense of neediness towards him versus a service of love as a source for being with him.
The third sign
You’re consistently seeking validation from your partner in order to feel worthy, in order to feel confident, in order to feel even happy. You find yourself constantly needing approval, constantly needing for somebody to tell you how great you’re doing. Your guy has to tell you how amazing you are you. You don’t feel beautiful if he didn’t say you look beautiful and trust me some of this might seem far-fetched but it’s so true. If you find that you need constant reinforcement from him to you to feel confident and if he doesn’t, you start feeling really shaky inside, that’s another sign that you’re in a co-dependent relationship.
The fourth sign
You can’t make decisions, basic simple decisions, without consulting with him. Sometimes I see someone who is asked to buy something simple, or some thinking of getting together with a group of friends or maybe picking out a dress that is a different color from what she usually wears. She feels she can’t make those decisions because she needs to get almost like permission from her partner. Again that’s a clear sign of codependency. In a codependent relationship, there’s a power struggle where both people try to control each other. Usually, one partner has more control than the other, but both people try to do it, in very unhealthy ways.
The fifth sign that you’re in a co-dependent relationship
You spend a lot of time playing passive-aggressive games instead of speaking your truth. Here’s the reality: if you feel like somebody has one up on you all the time then, you’ll find nasty ways to get back at them. You’ll figure out how you can push their buttons instead of saying hey, this thing that you’ve been doing for the last five years needs to stop right now, or else we can’t continue this relationship. If you feel you can’t say that, then you’ll find ways to get them back, punch them below the belt so to speak. And they’ll do the same thing with you. They’ll do passive-aggressive behaviors. They’ll flirt with someone in front of you. They’ll hit you where it hurts the most instead of dealing with the pink elephant in the living room which is that the relationship needs to change.
So here’s the reality: if you find yourself in a codependent relationship, I’m not going to give you right now some five steps to change this on your own. I’m going to tell you flat out you need to get help. While it’s possible to change things on your own, if you’re in an addictive relationship, you are going to massively benefit from someone giving you a helping hand and sharing and modeling to you healthy versus unhealthy behavior. You can spend the next three years trying to get out of it or making it better, or you can get help from a professional and change this in a much faster amount of time. I challenge you to experience and lead and step in to a full and conscious life.
5 Signs You’re in a Codependent Relationship by Bernardo Mendez