“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.”
– Oprah Winfrey
In our hyper-connected world, people tend to throw around words that don’t hold much weight. With social media in particular, a lot of folks often post stuff that doesn’t have much in the way of value. They’re either superficial (like cat videos or memes), or spout empty platitudes that pay lip service. And when it comes to relationships – or ones that have yet to get off the ground – people often say things they don’t necessarily mean.
A guy might tell you that he’s in love with you, but his actions don’t quite match up to his words. Or he could be, in fact, falling hard for you, but can’t find the words to say it. Why is reading a guy’s signs such a tricky business? Why can’t he just drop the whole mixed signals act and be straight up with how he really feels about you? You’ve probably met and dated a handful guys, so you know what I’m talking about. And I can totally understand if you’re feeling a little jaded by men who can’t seem to get it together and be honest about their feelings. Well, let me help you with that and give you the REAL signs that a guy’s super serious about you – and worth waiting for.
First, a Warning:
Ok, so today you’re going to find out if a guy loves you – or if you should move on…but let me get something important out of the way real quick. You see, women talk about mixed signals all the time when they’re trying to figure out where they stand with a Potential Someone. But here’s what I always tell them: there’s NOTHING “mixed” about a guy’s signals. Everything he does – and doesn’t do – is a clear indication of what’s really going on in that head of his. And a lot of times, his words won’t have as much weight as his ACTIONS.
When the connection is there, and you already know you’re bonkers for each other, saying those three words is just icing on the cake. It’s wonderful to hear him drop the “L” word on you – but they’ll only confirm what your HEART already knew long before. So now you’re probably telling me, “What do you think I am, some sort of psychic?” “Surely you don’t expect me to open his mind like a book and ‘already know’ before he opens his mouth?”
I hear you – and that’s why it’s time to give you the Top 10 Ways To Tell He’s Got It Bad For You:
#1: He’ll Drop Clues
Relax, you don’t have to be Sherlock Holmes to crack the mystery of his heart. Most guys are not going to tell you about his feelings upfront (surprise, surprise), but it’s not because they’re trying to toy with your emotions. It’s more of the fact that a lot of men aren’t big on expressing themselves emotionally. I know a lot of guys who have trouble with this. They were raised to think that opening up and talking about this stuff isn’t really a useful (or masculine) trait to have. And sadly, it’s made it hard for them to talk about something as difficult as feelings..…which makes professing their LOVE for you an even BIGGER challenge. But nonetheless, it’s not that hard to decode the real meaning behind his somewhat cryptic statements.
You just need to ask yourself a couple of important questions – and the answer will reveal itself soon enough:
- When he talks to me, does he make me feel I’m important to him? (e.g. “Hey, I found that vintage 80s Rainbow Brite lunch box you were looking for…it was on this guy’s nostalgia collector’s blog. I’ll send you the link…you owe me a coffee!”)
- Is he implying that he’s only interested in ME – and no one else? (e.g. “Man, working at the office can be such a drag…especially those noisy girls over at marketing with their faces buried in their Instagram pages. This place could use someone cool like you J”)
It’s likely he’ll try to mask it with humor or act nonchalant about it. But if there’s that unmistakable spark of affection beneath it, he’s probably not putting you in the Friend Zone anytime soon.
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#2: He’s got THAT look
Yup, the eyes are windows to the soul and all that. But don’t get all clinical and start measuring the diameter of his pupils. That would be weird… Instead, think about the way he looks at you. Is he mesmerized by your mere presence? His eyes should be telling you, “You’re too good to be real…yet here you are.” And is he constantly stealing glances at you? When you sneak a peek at your guy, do you catch him staring at you – then quickly looking away? Guys are visual creatures, as the saying goes. If he likes what he sees, he’ll have a hard time tearing his eyes away.
#3: He has ZERO excuses
A guy in love isn’t going to let his work or any other stuff he has going on to get in the way of seeing you. No matter how full his plate gets, he’ll always squeeze in some “we time” with you. You won’t hear him making half-baked excuses that “things are crazy at work” or “I’m kind of busy right now.” That’s the thing about a man who’s into you: he’ll move mountains to clear space in his week for you, and it SHOWS. And even if he’s super busy at the moment, he’ll always let you know what’s going on with him. He’ll never make you feel like he’s gone off the grid and keep you updated when he can see you again.
#4: He keeps it REAL with you
You know what I mean by this if you’ve ever had a close friend who “tells it like it is”…and doesn’t tell you what you want to hear, but what you NEED to hear. When a guy truly loves you, he understands what makes you tick. He knows BOTH your great and not-so-great qualities…and yet he STILL thinks you’re the greatest person he’s met. And if he sees that you’re not being the best you can be, this guy won’t be afraid to point it out. But he’s not going to be condescending or a jerk about it. He’ll be more likely to tease you, bust your chops and give you “a hard time” rather than actually making you feel bad.
#5: His time is YOUR time
I mentioned early that it’s a good sign when he makes you feel important. Another part of that is him going out of his way to do stuff together with you. This goes beyond moving important stuff in his calendar to see you. The operative word here is “together”. If he’s trying to create a DEEPER bond by way of a regular ROUTINE, that’s something you shouldn’t ignore. Maybe he’s taking the initiative to set up weekly activities like weekend coffee at his favorite hangout, or taking you along to his book club meeting to see if you might dig it. This is him moving from “single mode” to a I-think-I-want-to-get -serious-with-this-girl mindset.
#6: He totally puts you at ease
When you don’t know where you stand with someone, the way he acts and talks puts you on edge. You can’t put your finger on it, but you know he’s the flaky type.
Not with this guy. Everything he says and does points to the fact that he’s not going anywhere. There’s nothing ambiguous about him, especially with the way he makes you feel. Whether it’s his choice of words (as indirect as they may be), his body language or the general vibe he gives off…you just know he wants to be on board – no ifs, ands or buts about it.
#7: He knows it’s not always about him
We all have a tendency to be a little self-centered from time to time, and that’s ok. But if a guy who loves you, you can see how much he’s willing to meet you halfway with a lot of things. For instance, he’s not going to insist on eating at that new Asian seafood restaurant that’s been getting good Yelp reviews if you’re not feeling it. And even though he’s not a Greek cuisine kind of guy, he’s cool about eating there because your preferences matter to him. That’s just the kind of man he is. He knows relationships are a matter of give and take, which is why you’ve got as much say in it as he does.
#8: He’s always trying to make you happy
You probably don’t want an overeager puppy of a guy waiting on hand and foot for your every need – that would be a little scary… But you do want someone who’s naturally attuned to your inner state and knows when something’s off. You might not even say anything, but he knows when to swoop in and take action. He’ll ask if you want anything when he goes on a coffee run, offer you a ride to work before running his own errands, or even organize your DVD collection alphabetically. Whatever it is, he’s working overtime to make sure everything’s fine and dandy in your world. If a man’s in love, he LOVES knowing he gets to take care of you in the way he knows how.
#9: The details matter to him
John Gottman, founder of the Gottman Institute and author of “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, has literally spent decades observing couples up close to understand how relationships work. In his research, he’s found that the strongest couples make an effort to know each other’s inner worlds. He calls this as having “Love Maps”, which is basically a detailed knowledge of what’s going on with your partner. And it’s easy to tell when a guy is trying to create his love map for you, whether you’ve known him for years or just getting to know him.
According to Gottman, if he cares enough to know the “little” things about you, it’s a sign of a healthy relationship. This includes stuff like your favorite place to eat, your greatest rival at work, your idea of the perfect job, your biggest dream, your best friends and so on. When you tell him about these things, naturally picks up on these little bits and pieces and saves them for future reference. He does this because he knows it makes up the amazing and unique person you are.
#10: He’s in it for the long haul
Does your man have a certain tenacity to him? Is he the type who doesn’t give up when he hits a roadblock in life? Would you even say he’s a little stubborn? It’s easy to brush this off as a part of his masculine identity, but it may run deeper than you think. This quality could also be a promising sign if it carries over into the way he deals with you, and your relationship.
- You might have some past issues or baggage you’ve picked up from your ex…
- or your differences with your guy are starting to bubble to the surface…
- or maybe he’s going through some of his own stuff while trying to spend time with you.
These challenges are totally par for the course for any relationship. So if these things don’t phase him – and he’s more than willing to power through them – well then, you’ve got a keeper on your hands!
Now, if you’re seeing a couple of these signs in him, he might just be a really swell guy. It could be that he’s awesome to everyone and only sees you as one of his friends. However, if he’s checking off MOST of those boxes (like six or more), then you should be seriously thinking about your future with him…because he’s probably thinking THAT way about you. Then there’s the other possibility that you’re not seeing any of these. There might be moments when it might seem like there’s a glimmer of hope, but it’s very faint.
Most of the time, he’s acting lukewarm towards you at best. If that’s the case, DON’T throw in the towel just yet! Some men need a little more gentle prodding and encouragement than others. If your gut is telling you there’s a connection between you and Mr. Slightly Dense – and you’re worried he might PULL AWAY for good…then it’s time to seal the deal before he leaves forever Check out this free video where I break down exactly what makes men LOSE INTEREST – 
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